I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm sobbing to NWA
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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