I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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