My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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