I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
