Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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