what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
