I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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