I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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