I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
