so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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