I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
