Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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