so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
