Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize