I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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