Do you still have your period?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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