I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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