working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
