I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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