I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
