i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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