i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize