I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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