ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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