I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
