I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
