Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize