I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
