i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
