he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
