12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
