Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she peed on how many people?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
