i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
