Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
