Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
