dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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