matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
