The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
