That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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