and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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