Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
