For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
