We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So squirting runs in the family.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
