If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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