Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
