Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
