Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
