The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I deserve this hangover.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
