I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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