thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
