Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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