Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize