I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize