i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
