Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
