Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
