i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
