i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
