He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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