My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize