we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
