anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
