The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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