If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
