I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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