If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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