So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
