how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
