should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
