So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
