she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
