I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Brb crying the tears of my youth
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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