Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
