i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
