I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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